Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
