I got chris browned last night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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