OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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