I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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