better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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