idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
