Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
