My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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