4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
