You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
