M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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