Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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