i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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