the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
