my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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