Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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