I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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