I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
