Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
