I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
