just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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