I can text with my tongue
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
