I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
