How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
