My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
