I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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