I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
