we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
