hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
