Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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