Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My vagina is very pro this idea
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize