It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
