our cab driver is having phone sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
