Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
