this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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