You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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