Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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