We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
being pregnant is like rehab
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
