I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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