there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
