Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
