He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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