I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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