ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
