u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
