I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
