its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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