I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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