quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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