we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am spending my child support on dildos
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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