guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
