Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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