The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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