i can't believe i had my finger in that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
