he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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