she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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