we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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