Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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