Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize