someone threw a dead crab at me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
