bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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