I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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