Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
