Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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