We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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