I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
