I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
