margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
