Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My vagina is very pro this idea
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
